An ode to the Nokia Lumia 1020

I am a big fan of the Windows Phone operating system. It’s intuitive, it’s time-saving and its little grid-shaped layout looks cool as hell.

Besides, as a self-confessed Xbox achievement hunter, the added benefit of mobile games that add to my Gamerscore is too much to resist.

There’s just one problem (other than the aforementioned achievement obsession): my Windows Phone of choice, a Nokia Lumia 1020, had major battery issues since launch for reasons I could never pin down.

Any time I booted up Internet Explorer – which, incidentally is the best mobile browser I’ve ever used by far – the phone would rapidly heat up and the battery would start plummeting. Even after closing it down and turning on its battery saver functionality I’d still find myself losing 10-20% battery an hour.

After 18 months of putting up with this, I’ve finally decided to take the plunge and go for my first ever Android phone. I will always love the Windows Phone operating system, but it’s time to move on. With this in mind, I’ve decided to pen this song, to the tune of Candle In The Wind by Elton John:

Goodbye Windows Phone
May you never glow in my pants
You were a phone that overheated
So now Android has my heart

You called out to this Microsoft fan
And you whispered “Xbox games”
Now you belong to heaven
Though my achievement points remain

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle on my skin
Never cooling in the slightest when a text came in

Your browser will always go down
As one of my greatest thrills
But your candle burned out long before
Your processor ever will