A deeply serious look at Numskull’s latest PlayStation merchandise

If you’re like me, your passion for gaming burns so brightly that you’re only happy when you have it emblazoned across your chest.

If you’re also like me, you refuse to drink from any cups unless there’s some sort of video game themed design on them. Nothing else will pass your lips, lest the liquid be poisoned due to the lack of any acknowledgement of interactive media.

If you’re also also like me, you have a two-year-old daughter called Serena and a wife called Louise, and you have a website called Tired Old Hack. Nobody’s that much like me, though. You be you. You’re good too.

Regardless, the lovely folks at Numskull Designs at least have the first two boxes ticked, as their new range of PlayStation clothing and merchandise should ensure that PlayStation fans are sorted when it comes to silently declaring their love for their favourite brand.

Numskull sent me a couple of items from their latest line for review purposes, and before you start to think “hang on a minute, this is starting to sound like an advert rather than an honest review”, let me reassure you by pointing out that they also sent me this:

Quite frankly, this is so far from my style that I’m not even going to insult your intelligence by pretending it would look good on me. I’m nearly 40. Instead, I’m keeping it in its packaging and Numskull has kindly agreed to let me give it away as a competition prize to someone at least a decade and a half younger than me (see the bottom of this article to win it).

Now then, let’s move onto the stuff that’s more suitable for me. Like this absolute bastard of a PlayStation hoodie, for example.

I’m no stranger to a hoodie, me. I’m not even a stranger to a console-themed hoodie: I’ve got ones designed to look like the NES, SNES, Mega Drive and Dreamcast. This is my first PlayStation-themed hoodie, though, and by God do I love it.

I wore it to Asda this morning, even though it’s the summer. That’s how much I like it. It very much shouts “I like PlayStation” but does so in a subtle enough way that it’s not like the whole thing is a distracting sea of colour.

I like it so much, I might even be buried in it. Actually, probably not: my wife wouldn’t allow that. Maybe if I get in a really bad accident and it’s fused to my skin. Okay, on second thoughts I hope I don’t get buried in it. It’s really good, though.

So too is this steel mug, with the slogan “Since 94” on it, quite clearly intended to refer to the inauguration of Nelson Mandela as president of South Africa.

Actually, it might be something to do with the PlayStation launching in Japan in 1994. Now that I think about it, that’s probably what it is. Never mind the Mandela thing, it’s because of PlayStation: forget I said anything.

This isn’t your normal ceramic mug that shatters into a million sharp pieces should you even so much as look at it the wrong way: it’s made out of premium high-grade stainless steel, which means you could look at it in every possible way and it wouldn’t so much as shudder.

It’s quite light to hold in your hand, but sturdy enough to hold liquid, which is probably just as well when you consider it’s a mug. Being metal and all, though, It isn’t dishwasher or microwave safe: so get that idea out of your head right now, you fucking maniac.

The range also includes a bunch of other merchandise, most of which features the same ‘Since 94’ slogan: apparently someone at Numskull is a huge fan of South African politics. Oh wait, that’s right, I forgot.

I didn’t get sent any of this stuff so I can’t comment on its quality, but here’s what they’ve got regardless:

Official PlayStation Since 94 T-Shirt

Price: £14.99

Correction: I did get sent this (as previously mentioned), but I think if I wore it I’d look like someone’s dad trying to disguise himself as a teenager so he could sneak into a rave and spy on his kid.

I have no doubt that the young bucks can pull this one off with gusto and glee, but it’s really not my style.

More power to you if it’s your steel mug of tea, though, and if you reckon it would look good on you (and your shirt size is L) don’t forget I’m giving one away at the bottom of this article.

Official PlayStation Stripes T-Shirt

Price: £14.99

This one is far more like it, if you ask me. Eye-catching without being eye-gouging: I might just purchase one of these little beauties for myself.

As you can see, it’s got the classic PlayStation logo on a black background, the sight that many a gamer in the mid ‘90s learned to love as the sign that the bootleg copy of WWF Smackdown they bought from the dodgy games shop down the road had loaded properly on their modded system.

Um, maybe that was just me. Don’t bother trying to bust them, coppers: that shop was shut down a long time ago.

Official PlayStation Since 94 Snapback

Price: £12.99

This clothing is all well and good, but what happens if you want to go out in the sunshine and you can’t see because of the sun? A bunch of stripes on your poxy chest isn’t going to help you in that situation.

It’s a good job those swines at Numskull have thought of absolutely everything, then. Behold, a baseball cap with the PlayStation logo on it and that ‘Since 94’ messaging once again.

That way, if anyone missed the message on your shirt, they can look up at your squinting eyes, avert their gaze a little higher and see the message again.

Wear this cap and the Since 94 shirt together and there will be absolutely no doubt whatsoever what year Nelson Mandela became president.

Official PlayStation Since 94 Embroidery Snapback

Price: £16.99

Maybe a standard baseball cap just doesn’t cut it for you. Maybe you’re one of those elite individuals who wants to stand out more.

Well, how about a cap that quite literally stands out more, because both its logo and, yes, its Since 94 bit have been intricately 3D embroidered to give them some extra height.

Now when you’re walking down the street and you see some wet cement, you can lie your head against it and leave a permanent imprint dedicated to the year 1994.

I mean, it’ll probably say 49 ECNIS backwards, but when you’re wearing a cap that looks cool as fuck nobody’s going to argue with you about the small details.

Official PlayStation Since 94 Bottle Opener

Price: £9.99

Picture the scene: you’ve been walking around all day in your hoodie, your t-shirt and your cap, and you’ve turned more heads than an Exorcist cosplay world record attempt.

But now it’s time to go home. You’re hot, you’re tired and your head feels extremely heavy due to all the dried-in concrete that’s hardened on your cap.

You just want to go home and fill your steel mug with your beverage of choice and: oh shit. Said beverage is in a bottle, and you have no way of opening it.

Fret not, citizen! Those boffins at Numskull have saved the day for the umpteenth time with this handy bottle opener magnet, allowing you to pour one out and toast Mandela in the proper way.

So there you have it. If any of the above items take your fancy, you can get them at all manner of locations, including Numskull’s own Geek Store.

Don’t be under the impression that you’ll look as cool as I do in this photo, though: that’s the sort of level of cool you can only achieve with years of practice. You can’t buy this, not even from Geek Store.

Full transparency: you may notice my name in that link above. It’s not an affiliate link like my Amazon ones, I stand to gain no profit from any sales that come as a result of this article.

It’s purely there for tracking purposes, so that the PR who supplied the review samples can see if anyone actually went on to buy anything after reading the article.

Win some clothes then put them on, you absolute disgrace

As previously mentioned, I’ve got one PlayStation Since 94 T-Shirt to give away, absolutely free, to anyone who fancies getting all inside its neck and sleeve holes.

It’s size L, so ideally you’re going to have to be that size too, otherwise you’re going to be using it as a sleepshirt or a bikini depending on your girth.

To enter, simply fill in this form. I’ll pick the winner on Tuesday night by adding every entry to a list and using an online random number generator. If you win, I’ll be emailing you and asking for your address, so please don’t enter if you aren’t prepared to disclose that information because I can’t send it through a fucking smoke signal or anything.

In order that I could write this article, I received review samples from a PR. The content of my article was in no way positively influenced by this.

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