PC Engine CoreGrafx Mini review

You can’t move for mini retro consoles these days. It’s a good job they’re so small, really.

Ever since Nintendo launched the NES Classic Mini three and a half years ago, we’ve been swimming in chibi versions of vintage video game systems.

The NES, the SNES, the Mega Drive, the Neo Geo… even the Commodore 64 was miniaturised (until someone saw sense and just re-released a full-sized one with a working keyboard).

Even Capcom decided to get in on the action, clearly revealing that they have no idea what ‘mini’ means by releasing a massive fuck-off arcade stick with a bunch of old coin-op classics on it.

Now it’s time for a dinky do-over of a system I desperately wanted to get the mini treatment, but didn’t actually expect we’d get: the NEC PC Engine. Well, a version of it, at least. Look, it’s confusing, but I’ll explain all in a second.

The EU version, the PC Engine CoreGrafx Mini, was supposed to launch back on 19 March, but then there was some sort of virus thing – I think I saw it briefly mentioned in one of the papers – and by pure chance one of the tiny handful of buildings shut down as a result was the Chinese factory that was manufacturing them.

Although there’s still not a set date, I’m reliably informed a release is now imminent, which is why I was sent one of them for review purposes. Let’s get stuck in, then, and find out how the CoreGrafx Mini performs and where it fits into the bigger (smaller) picture of mini consoles.

UPDATE: Amazon UK is now finally sending out units to customers. Continue reading “PC Engine CoreGrafx Mini review”

The C64 (full size) review

In March 2018, British company Retro Games Ltd launched THEC64 Mini, a dinky version of the classic Commodore 64 hardware from 1982 repurposed for the modern era.

Although it was undoubtedly great to see the ‘mini’ treatment being dished out to a home computer that was big in the UK back in the day, it’s fair to say THEC64 Mini had some fairly major issues (and not just the awkward way it was spelled).

Now Retro Games is back with a distinctly less mini version of THEC64 – which I’m now going to refer to as The C64 for my own sanity – and what it loses in charm it gains in functionality. This is exactly what I was hoping for the first time around. Continue reading “The C64 (full size) review”

13 strange appearances by musicians in games

Celebrities and video games have always walked hand-in-hand ever since hot tennis prospect Stephen Pong was honoured with an arcade game about his life story. Okay, that’s a lie.

Regardless, there’s nothing quite like seeing a celebrity in a game, especially when their appearance is completely unnecessary.

In honour of these odd inclusions, yer man Scullion has decided to look back at some of the more interesting cameos made by musicians in video games. To be clear though, this list:

• doesn’t count full games based entirely on the musicians in question (that’s for another article), only games that feature them in something other than the sole lead role

• doesn’t count appearances in music games like Guitar Hero, because that isn’t strange

• does count ‘ensemble’ games starring multiple musicians in a non-music environment

Now then, let’s get stuck in.


Michael Jackson in Ready 2 Rumble Boxing 2

The original Ready 2 Rumble Boxing was a surprise hit: launching alongside the Dreamcast, its fantastically detailed character models and fast-paced arcade style boxing made it a joy for early adopters.

The inevitable sequel followed a year later, and decided to up the ante by adding a handful of celebrity characters: some authorised, others not.

The latter consisted of Bill and Hillary Clinton, known simply as Mr President and The First Lady (in the days when you could presumably get away with making a game that let you punch a then 53-year-old woman in the face).

As for the legit appearances, Midway Games decided to enlist two very different celebrities to star as secret boxers: enormous basketball star Shaquille O’Neal and… um, Michael Jackson.

michael-jackson-ready-2-rumble

This may have seemed like a surprise, but bear in mind two things: firstly, yer man Jacko was a big gamer, having worked a lot with Sega in the past.

Secondly, this was 2000, and Jackson’s star had lost its shine a tad following the first wave of ‘accusations’ in the mid-90s.

Although he was still a global household name, people weren’t buying his new material so readily, his latest album Blood on the Dancefloor only reached number 24 in the US charts. As such, I’m sure it was easier to get him on board.

Still, I’m sure there are plenty of folk who would have gladly taken the opportunity to punch him square in the jaw, something Ready 2 Rumble’s damage-based face-morphing trickery let them do.


Phil Collins in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories

There’s something bittersweet about getting to star in a series as massive as Grand Theft Auto, but turning up in a portable spin-off instead of one of the main entries.

Still, Vice City Stories on PSP (and later PS2) was a cracking little game nonetheless, no doubt because it was based on arguably the best GTA ever.

Given its ‘80s setting, the appearance of Phil Collins is a sensible one. Better still, he actually gets involved in a few missions.

phil-collins-gta

First you have to grab a bulletproof limo and pick him up as he arrives in Vice City by helicopter, avoiding the hitmen out to kill him (his agent owes a crime boss millions, you see).

Then you have to head to the local stadium, where he’s due to perform, and kill the assassins waiting there to make sure the venue is safe for him.

Finally, at the concert you have to stop even more hitmen who are trying to sabotage the lighting rigs to kill Phil.

Your reward is a ticket that lets you watch the GTA version of Phil Collins perform In The Air Tonight. Which is probably worth it for the drum solo, let’s be honest.


Five unwitting singers in Celebrity Sports Showdown

We all remember the glory days of the Wii and how, at its peak, it was home to an onslaught of ‘party’ titles packed with dogshit mini-games.

If you thought it was bad going into a shop and seeing them, imagine how it was for the Staff Writer / Games Editor of the Official Nintendo Magazine at the time, having to play all this guff. Actually, hang on, that was me.

One key example has somehow been forgotten by most despite its sheer strangeness. In 2008 EA decided to release a party game under its wacky ‘EA Sports Freestyle’ label (previously EA Sports Big) and called it Celebrity Sports Showdown.

The premise was as straightforward as it was nonsensical: hey, here’s a bunch of sporting challenges, and let’s have some famous sporting celebrities play them. Oh, and let’s have some musical celebrities join in too, for literally no fucking reason.

avril-lavigne-wii

I have no issue with the sporting stars. Basketball player Paul Pierce, women’s football legend Mia Hamm, figure skater Kristi Yamaguchi, NFL running back Reggie Bush and boxer Sugar Ray Leonard all made sense in the context of a sports game, even if the events included beach volleyball and ‘rapid fire’ archery.

But if anyone on this planet thinks they can explain why there was also a need to include Avril Lavigne (the first one), Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas, LeAnn Rimes, Keith Urban and Nelly Furtado, they’re a stinking liar.

They didn’t even get the celebs in question to record dialogue for their characters: it’s as if EA had made a generic sports game, realised it was a bit shit and decided to replace the character skins with famous faces to help sales. In fact, that’s almost definitely what happened.

I’m going to be covering this one in more detail at a later date, watch this space.


David Bowie in Omikron: The Nomad Soul

Omikron (known just as The Nomad Soul in North America, where it sold about three copies) was the first game developed by David Cage’s Quantic Dream, which became known for the likes of Fahrenheit, Heavy Rain, alleged sexual and racist behaviour in the workplace and Detroit: Become Human.

Like other Quantic Dream games it’s an ambitious adventure which aims for complete player immersion, though unlike the games that followed it there’s less focus on QTE sequences.

david-bowie-omikron

Instead, its main gimmick is that any time you die, you possess the soul of one of the other 40-odd NPCs found in the game world: take that, Watch Dogs: Legion.

Most notable, though, was the involvement of the legendary David Bowie. Not only did the musical icon compose 10 new tracks for the game’s soundtrack, he also lent his likeness to two of the game’s characters: an unfortunately named super-being called Boz, and the lead singer of a band who can be seen playing in various areas in the game.

Keeping it in the family, Bowie also managed to wangle it so that his wife, fashion model Iman, also appeared in the game as one of those playable NPCs.


Fred Durst in a couple of WWF games

Nothing defines the turn of the millennium better than Limp Bizkit and its red cap rocking, bumfluff-bearded frontman Fred Durst.

Love him or hate him (and for many it was the latter), young Frederick was the face of ‘nu metal’, with hits like Rollin’, Nookie, My Way and My Generation ensuring the band remained successful for at least a few years.

Ever keen to get involved in the latest craze, WWE (then known as WWF) also involved Limp Bizkit heavily in its programming.

fred-durst-wwf

Its music was used in some of its promotional packages (including the greatest one ever made), and more notably Rollin’ became the theme song for The Undertaker.

This all came to a head in 2001 with the release of WWF SmackDown: Just Bring It!, the third game in THQ’s popular SmackDown series and the first on PS2. In that, Fred Durst can actually be unlocked as a playable wrestler, even though physically he was about as tough as hummus.

A year later, he then featured in the Xbox exclusive WWF Raw, once again as an unlockable fighter. Raw was unique in that it offered nearly 180 different weapons(!) to use on your opponent, meaning critics of Mr Durst would have been in their element.


A shitload of rappers in the Def Jam trilogy

Speaking of wrestling, the greatest wrestling game ever made is THQ and AKI’s legendary Nintendo 64 title WWF No Mercy.

Although THQ foolishly decided it no longer required AKI’s services after the release of No Mercy, that didn’t mean the series was dead. AKI took its engine over to EA, who bizarrely said: “Hmmm. Let’s make a wrestling game… but with rappers in it.”

The result was Def Jam Vendetta, a grappler that used the No Mercy engine (albeit a faster version) but replaced the likes of The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin with artists from the Def Jam Recordings stable.

def-jam-vendetta

There are 13 rappers in total (joining a bunch of generic fighters), meaning you can boot rump as the likes of DMX, Ludacris, Funkmaster Flex, Redman or Wu-Tang Clan members Method Man and Ghostface Killah.

The sequel Def Jam: Fight For NY ditched the ring but kept the same mechanics, adding a bunch of new rappers to bring the roster up to 67. Step forward Flavor Flav, Busta Rhymes, Ice-T, Snoop Dogg, Xzibit, Warren G and even some women including Lil’ Kim and… um, Carmen Electra for some reason.

Most folk forget the third game, Def Jam Icon, but that’s because it was a bit shit. So let’s not worry about that.


The Beastie Boys in NBA Jam (twice)

NBA Jam is known for its high-flying, over-the-top basketball action and its love of all things crazy: one minute the basket’s being set on fire, the next the backboard is shattering into a thousand pieces.

That’s not all it’s famous for, though. Ever since the first game in the series launched back in 1993, each entry has included a whole host of secret characters.

These range from developers who worked on the game, to characters from other Midway games like Mortal Kombat, to actual celebrities.

beastie-boys-nba-jam

NBA Jam Tournament Edition was an updated version of the first game which included a bunch of new characters, including a few musicians. As well as both DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince (Will Smith), you could also unlock all three members of the Beastie Boys.

A full 16 years later when EA rebooted NBA Jam for the Wii (it came to 360 and PS3 later), it once again got some hidden players, including entire teams full of Democrats and Republicans: Obama and Clinton vs Bush and Palin, anyone?

Best of all, just to pay tribute to the good old days, the Beastie Boys returned once again for some b-ball hijinks.


Snoop Dogg in True Crime: Streets of LA

In the early 2000s, the huge success of Grand Theft Auto III influenced countless other open-world crime games all trying (and usually failing) to replicate Rockstar’s magic formula.

One of the better efforts was True Crime: Streets of LA, which turned the tables slightly by having you play as a detective instead of a criminal.

It also included a supporting role from one Mr Snoop Dogg – aka Snoop Doggy Dogg, aka Snoopzilla, aka Snoop Lion, aka DJ Snoopadelic, aka Smooth Dogg – who appears in some missions.

snoop-dogg-true-crime-la

What’s more, if you collected 30 dog bones hidden throughout the game’s map (or entered a cheat code) you could unlock the Doggfather as a playable character.

Streets of LA was popular enough to spawn a sequel, True Crime: New York City, which followed in its predecessor’s footsteps by featuring another rapper, Redman.

A third game provisionally known as True Crime: Hong Kong was all but finished before Activision scrapped it, but not before Square Enix picked it up and released it as Sleeping Dogs.


Various rappers in RapJam: Volume One

Fancying a piece of the NBA Jam pie, Motown Records decided to make its own basketball game and released it under its short-lived Motown Games label.

RapJam: Volume One (there was no Volume Two) offered street basketball with a twist: all 18 playable characters are real-life rappers.

rapjam-volume-1

Yes, you too could finally shoot some hoops as Coolio, LL Cool J, Queen Latifah, Warren G, Yo-Yo or any of the members of House of Pain, Naughty by Nature, Onyx or Public Enemy.

The idea was a sound one in theory: with more urban legends than an all-night campfire story session Motown hoped that fans of each artist would buy the game to play as them.

Unfortunately, Motown forgot one tiny detail, and seemingly missed the bit in its checklist that said “don’t make the game a big bucket of wank”.


Avenged Sevenfold in Call of Duty: Black Ops II

The ninth game in the Call of Duty series has a fairly deep and serious story.

It’s set during two different time periods – the late ‘80s and 2025 – and continues both the story of two of Black Ops’ protagonists, and that of one of their sons.

It involves drug cartels, kidnap attempts, cyberwarfare, arms dealing and the eventual outbreak of the second Cold War.

avenged-sevenfold-cod

It’s all pretty heavy stuff, which is why it makes perfect sense for the end credits to show two of the game’s characters performing on stage with metal band Avenged Sevenfold.

Oh, and obviously don’t pay attention to the fact that one of those characters is actually Raul Menendez, the game’s main villain who hacks drones and uses them to attack major American and Chinese cities, and is referred to in the game as “the most dangerous terrorist since Osama bin Laden”.

As long as the lad knows how to play an axe, that apparently doesn’t matter.


Insane Clown Posse in Backyard Wrestling

With THQ in possession of the WWE licence, anyone else who wanted to make a wrestling game would either need to go with fictional characters or think outside the box a little.

Eidos decided to go with the latter option, and came up with Backyard Wrestling: Don’t Try This at Home, a wrestling game based on the growing popularity of kids with camcorders filming their own matches in their gardens.

icp-backyard

To give the game a little name value, Eidos enlisted the help of rap duo the Insane Clown Posse, who at the time were running their own independent comedy wrestling circuit called JCW (Juggalo Championshit Wrestling).

As such, while its 31-strong roster did indeed include a bunch of completely fictional characters, it also let players choose from ICP themselves – Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J – as well as their rapper chums Twiztid and various other JCW wrestlers.

Granted, there were a couple of legit wrestlers chucked in there for fun too: Sabu and Da Bone Doctor (better known as The Godfather) were included to keep wrestling fans happy. It didn’t really matter, though, because the game was a load of old sack.


Various rockers in the Tony Hawk series

Over the years, no fewer than nine music-based guests have appeared as secret unlockable characters in the Tony Hawk series of skateboarding games.

It all kicked off in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4, with the inclusion of an Iron Maiden song in the soundtrack leading to the ability to unlock the band’s mascot Eddie.

The following year, Tony Hawk’s Underground let you unlock KISS’s Gene Simmons, as well as a new stage set around a KISS concert.

james-hetfield-tony-hawk

2005’s Tony Hawk’s American Wasteland included Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day as well as rapper Lil Jon, while 2007’s Tony Hawk’s Proving Ground featured MCA from the Beastie Boys.

An HD remake of the original game launched in 2012 and added Metallica members James Hetfield and Robert Trujillo as DLC characters.

And spare a thought for Lil Wayne and Tyler the Creator, who were the unlockable musicians in the atrocious Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 5, the comeback everyone wanted but ultimately regretted.


Fred Durst (again) in Fight Club

Finally, if beating Fred Durst in a wrestling ring a couple of times wasn’t enough to get it all out of your system, there was another more violent way to kick his head in.

The Fight Club game was released five years after the movie, but that doesn’t mean the developers were doing a GoldenEye and improving its quality by not rushing it to launch alongside the film.

It just means that a few years after the film came out, Vivendi Universal thought: “Folk are still talking about Fight Club, so let’s make a game about that. And let’s make sure the combat is as shallow as a paddling pool Kenny Baker’s pissed in.”

fred-durst-fight-club

If you fought your way through the game’s Arcade mode and completed it as every character, you would unlock Abraham Lincoln as a playable fighter (a reference to a single line in the film).

However, if you take on the fairly rubbish Story mode and beat that, you’ll unlock Fred Durst, meaning you can finally finish the job you started in the WWE games and boot the utter shite out of him.


If you enjoyed this and other articles and want to help me write them more frequently, please consider donating to my Patreon account.

Don’t want to commit to a regular payment? I’ve now got a PayPal ‘tips’ jar: if you like what you read feel free to chuck yer man Scullion a couple of quid here or there and help stock up my Irn Bru fund so I can continue working away like a bastard.

Donate with PayPal

Alternatively, if you can’t afford to support me on Patreon, please do your normal Amazon UK shopping via this link or Amazon US shopping via this linkTired Old Hack is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.co.uk and affiliated sites.

That time when Sonic played football in Virtua Striker

This article is available in both written and video format. The voiceover in the video version is me reading out the article below, so if you watch the video you won’t have to then read the article. If you enjoy the video and want to see more, there’s bonus unedited footage of the game (without my voiceover) at the bottom of this page.

VIDEO VERSION:

Welcome to That Time When, a new series dedicated to weird and wonderful moments in the history of gaming. In episode one, let’s go back to that time when Sonic played football in Virtua Striker 3.

These days when you think of football games, there are only two series that stand out: FIFA and Pro Evolution Soccer.

Back in the day though, there were a load of different football series all vying for gamers’ attention. And their money, obviously. Continue reading “That time when Sonic played football in Virtua Striker”

Bandersnatch: the game that killed a company and inspired a Black Mirror episode

If you’re the sort of hip cat who’s ‘up’ on all things streaming video, you’ll probably be aware of Bandersnatch, the choose-your-own adventure style spin-off of Charlie Brooker’s fantastic Black Mirror series.

Bandersnatch tells the story of Stefan Butler, a young programmer who’s developing a game for the ZX Spectrum based on a fantasy novel (the author of which is portrayed in a cameo appearance by Jeff Minter, the creator of games like Tempest 2000 and Attack Of The Mutant Camels).

What you may not realise, though, is that Bandersnatch is loosely – very loosely – based on an actual ZX Spectrum game that ultimately never saw the light of day. Here, then, is the story of the original Bandersnatch: what it was, what happened to it, and what it eventually became. Continue reading “Bandersnatch: the game that killed a company and inspired a Black Mirror episode”

Atari 2600 Retro Handheld Console (Blaze) review

If you’re an old dick like me then your first gaming experience wasn’t with the Wii, or the Game Boy Advance, or the PlayStation: it was the Atari 2600.

While the NES was my first true love, my dad owned a 2600 – it launched in the late 1970s – and so that was my first exposure to this glorious hobby. Its games may look like cave paintings by today’s standards, but they were immensely important to the history of gaming.

Retro specialist Blaze is attempting to keep this history alive with this officially licensed handheld, but how do its 50 games hold up today, and does this £35 gizmo do a good job of replicating them? Let’s get stuck in. Continue reading “Atari 2600 Retro Handheld Console (Blaze) review”

Sega Mega Drive Classics (Switch) video review

I already reviewed Sega Mega Drive Classics (known as Sega Genesis Classics in North America) when it was released on the Xbox One and PS4 this past summer.

If you want to read my general thoughts on it, head over there and fill your boots.

It’s now coming to Switch this week, and those interested are keen to know thing: how well does it run on Nintendo’s system?

So, rather than just tell you, I’ve decided to turn this review into an epic hour-long video, showing all 51 games in action and concluding with my final thoughts.

By the time you’ve finished this video, you’ll have seen the entire line-up of games included, know what they’re about, and know how they run on the Switch.

Enjoy!


Sega Mega Drive Classics is out on Nintendo Switch on 6 December. You can pre-order it from Amazon UK for £29.99. It’s also currently available on Xbox One and PS4.

In order that I could write this review, I received a digital copy of the game from Sega. The content of my review and the opinions therein were in no way positively influenced by this.

If you enjoyed this and other reviews and want to help me write them more frequently, please consider donating to my Patreon account.

Don’t want to commit to a regular payment? I’ve now got a PayPal ‘tips’ jar: if you like what you read feel free to chuck yer man Scullion a couple of quid here or there and help stock up my Irn Bru fund so I can continue working away like a bastard.

Donate with PayPal

Alternatively, if you’re a UK reader and can’t afford to support me on Patreon, please do your normal Amazon UK shopping via this linkTired Old Hack is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.co.uk and affiliated sites.

The complete history of FIFA World Cup video games

It’s World Cup time, that lovely quadrennial football occasion where English football fans start thinking they’re going to become world champions again while Scots like me moan about the BBC cutting to the England camp at half time during every single match, regardless of who’s playing. Not that I’m bitter.

But hey! Never mind that. There are people out there who love football, and people who love video games. And what do you get when someone ticks both boxes? People who love football video games, of course. Look, this isn’t hard.

What you may not realise is there have been official World Cup football games since way back in 1986, each trying to help gamers get into the World Cup spirit by capturing the atmosphere of the real-life tournament going on at the same time.

I’m a massive fan of ‘event’ football games like this, so I’ve decided to put together this extensive feature listing each of these World Cup games and how they fit into the gaming landscape at the time. Enjoy! Continue reading “The complete history of FIFA World Cup video games”

The complete history of Street Fighter

The Street Fighter series is currently in its 30th year, and what a three decades it’s been.

Capcom’s one-on-one (and sometimes 2-on-2 and 3-on-3) fighting series has consistently entertained die-hards and occasional dabblers alike, from its ‘10p a go’ arcade days (yes, I’m old enough to remember when arcade games cost that) to its bombastic modern-day console offerings.

What’s impressive about it is that, its dated first game aside – hey, we’ve all got to start somewhere – more or less every main entry in the Street Fighter series refuses to age, and continues to be immensely playable while other, often younger, games start to feel practically prehistoric.

The main series is just the tip of the Street Fighter iceberg, though – the antenna on the smashable car, if you’d rather – because since that first game in 1987 there have been nearly 150 different Street Fighter games, spin-offs, movies, TV shows and cameo crossovers with other games.

How do I know? Because I’m the mad bastard who’s tried to list every single one of them below.

In preparation for the release of the Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection next week, then, enjoy the largest article I’ve ever written as we travel through the entire history of Street Fighter in true Tired Old Hack style: 27,000 words, one page, no ads or slideshows for your reading convenience. Continue reading “The complete history of Street Fighter”

SNES Mini tips special (’90s style)

What’s the haps, kidz?

The SNES Mini is finally with us, and gamers all over the world are reliving (or discovering for the first time) the glory days of early ‘90s gaming.

Some of these SNES classics can be on the tricky side, though, which is why back in the day every games magazine worth its salt had a tips section.

It doesn’t really happen much these days – partly because simple ‘cheats’ like passwords and controller inputs are rare in modern games – but there was nothing quite like the excitement of buying a new mag, flipping to the tips section and finding a new cheat for a game you owned.

With that in mind, I’ve gone through my own personal archives and dug up some never-before-seen SNES tips I wrote way back in the early ‘90s. Yes, I definitely wrote these 20+ years ago and am not making that up for an inevitable comedic payoff layer. Honest. Continue reading “SNES Mini tips special (’90s style)”