13 strange appearances by musicians in games

Celebrities and video games have always walked hand-in-hand ever since hot tennis prospect Stephen Pong was honoured with an arcade game about his life story. Okay, that’s a lie.

Regardless, there’s nothing quite like seeing a celebrity in a game, especially when their appearance is completely unnecessary.

In honour of these odd inclusions, yer man Scullion has decided to look back at some of the more interesting cameos made by musicians in video games. To be clear though, this list:

• doesn’t count full games based entirely on the musicians in question (that’s for another article), only games that feature them in something other than the sole lead role

• doesn’t count appearances in music games like Guitar Hero, because that isn’t strange

• does count ‘ensemble’ games starring multiple musicians in a non-music environment

Now then, let’s get stuck in.


Michael Jackson in Ready 2 Rumble Boxing 2

The original Ready 2 Rumble Boxing was a surprise hit: launching alongside the Dreamcast, its fantastically detailed character models and fast-paced arcade style boxing made it a joy for early adopters.

The inevitable sequel followed a year later, and decided to up the ante by adding a handful of celebrity characters: some authorised, others not.

The latter consisted of Bill and Hillary Clinton, known simply as Mr President and The First Lady (in the days when you could presumably get away with making a game that let you punch a then 53-year-old woman in the face).

As for the legit appearances, Midway Games decided to enlist two very different celebrities to star as secret boxers: enormous basketball star Shaquille O’Neal and… um, Michael Jackson.

michael-jackson-ready-2-rumble

This may have seemed like a surprise, but bear in mind two things: firstly, yer man Jacko was a big gamer, having worked a lot with Sega in the past.

Secondly, this was 2000, and Jackson’s star had lost its shine a tad following the first wave of ‘accusations’ in the mid-90s.

Although he was still a global household name, people weren’t buying his new material so readily, his latest album Blood on the Dancefloor only reached number 24 in the US charts. As such, I’m sure it was easier to get him on board.

Still, I’m sure there are plenty of folk who would have gladly taken the opportunity to punch him square in the jaw, something Ready 2 Rumble’s damage-based face-morphing trickery let them do.


Phil Collins in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories

There’s something bittersweet about getting to star in a series as massive as Grand Theft Auto, but turning up in a portable spin-off instead of one of the main entries.

Still, Vice City Stories on PSP (and later PS2) was a cracking little game nonetheless, no doubt because it was based on arguably the best GTA ever.

Given its ‘80s setting, the appearance of Phil Collins is a sensible one. Better still, he actually gets involved in a few missions.

phil-collins-gta

First you have to grab a bulletproof limo and pick him up as he arrives in Vice City by helicopter, avoiding the hitmen out to kill him (his agent owes a crime boss millions, you see).

Then you have to head to the local stadium, where he’s due to perform, and kill the assassins waiting there to make sure the venue is safe for him.

Finally, at the concert you have to stop even more hitmen who are trying to sabotage the lighting rigs to kill Phil.

Your reward is a ticket that lets you watch the GTA version of Phil Collins perform In The Air Tonight. Which is probably worth it for the drum solo, let’s be honest.


Five unwitting singers in Celebrity Sports Showdown

We all remember the glory days of the Wii and how, at its peak, it was home to an onslaught of ‘party’ titles packed with dogshit mini-games.

If you thought it was bad going into a shop and seeing them, imagine how it was for the Staff Writer / Games Editor of the Official Nintendo Magazine at the time, having to play all this guff. Actually, hang on, that was me.

One key example has somehow been forgotten by most despite its sheer strangeness. In 2008 EA decided to release a party game under its wacky ‘EA Sports Freestyle’ label (previously EA Sports Big) and called it Celebrity Sports Showdown.

The premise was as straightforward as it was nonsensical: hey, here’s a bunch of sporting challenges, and let’s have some famous sporting celebrities play them. Oh, and let’s have some musical celebrities join in too, for literally no fucking reason.

avril-lavigne-wii

I have no issue with the sporting stars. Basketball player Paul Pierce, women’s football legend Mia Hamm, figure skater Kristi Yamaguchi, NFL running back Reggie Bush and boxer Sugar Ray Leonard all made sense in the context of a sports game, even if the events included beach volleyball and ‘rapid fire’ archery.

But if anyone on this planet thinks they can explain why there was also a need to include Avril Lavigne (the first one), Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas, LeAnn Rimes, Keith Urban and Nelly Furtado, they’re a stinking liar.

They didn’t even get the celebs in question to record dialogue for their characters: it’s as if EA had made a generic sports game, realised it was a bit shit and decided to replace the character skins with famous faces to help sales. In fact, that’s almost definitely what happened.

I’m going to be covering this one in more detail at a later date, watch this space.


David Bowie in Omikron: The Nomad Soul

Omikron (known just as The Nomad Soul in North America, where it sold about three copies) was the first game developed by David Cage’s Quantic Dream, which became known for the likes of Fahrenheit, Heavy Rain, alleged sexual and racist behaviour in the workplace and Detroit: Become Human.

Like other Quantic Dream games it’s an ambitious adventure which aims for complete player immersion, though unlike the games that followed it there’s less focus on QTE sequences.

david-bowie-omikron

Instead, its main gimmick is that any time you die, you possess the soul of one of the other 40-odd NPCs found in the game world: take that, Watch Dogs: Legion.

Most notable, though, was the involvement of the legendary David Bowie. Not only did the musical icon compose 10 new tracks for the game’s soundtrack, he also lent his likeness to two of the game’s characters: an unfortunately named super-being called Boz, and the lead singer of a band who can be seen playing in various areas in the game.

Keeping it in the family, Bowie also managed to wangle it so that his wife, fashion model Iman, also appeared in the game as one of those playable NPCs.


Fred Durst in a couple of WWF games

Nothing defines the turn of the millennium better than Limp Bizkit and its red cap rocking, bumfluff-bearded frontman Fred Durst.

Love him or hate him (and for many it was the latter), young Frederick was the face of ‘nu metal’, with hits like Rollin’, Nookie, My Way and My Generation ensuring the band remained successful for at least a few years.

Ever keen to get involved in the latest craze, WWE (then known as WWF) also involved Limp Bizkit heavily in its programming.

fred-durst-wwf

Its music was used in some of its promotional packages (including the greatest one ever made), and more notably Rollin’ became the theme song for The Undertaker.

This all came to a head in 2001 with the release of WWF SmackDown: Just Bring It!, the third game in THQ’s popular SmackDown series and the first on PS2. In that, Fred Durst can actually be unlocked as a playable wrestler, even though physically he was about as tough as hummus.

A year later, he then featured in the Xbox exclusive WWF Raw, once again as an unlockable fighter. Raw was unique in that it offered nearly 180 different weapons(!) to use on your opponent, meaning critics of Mr Durst would have been in their element.


A shitload of rappers in the Def Jam trilogy

Speaking of wrestling, the greatest wrestling game ever made is THQ and AKI’s legendary Nintendo 64 title WWF No Mercy.

Although THQ foolishly decided it no longer required AKI’s services after the release of No Mercy, that didn’t mean the series was dead. AKI took its engine over to EA, who bizarrely said: “Hmmm. Let’s make a wrestling game… but with rappers in it.”

The result was Def Jam Vendetta, a grappler that used the No Mercy engine (albeit a faster version) but replaced the likes of The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin with artists from the Def Jam Recordings stable.

def-jam-vendetta

There are 13 rappers in total (joining a bunch of generic fighters), meaning you can boot rump as the likes of DMX, Ludacris, Funkmaster Flex, Redman or Wu-Tang Clan members Method Man and Ghostface Killah.

The sequel Def Jam: Fight For NY ditched the ring but kept the same mechanics, adding a bunch of new rappers to bring the roster up to 67. Step forward Flavor Flav, Busta Rhymes, Ice-T, Snoop Dogg, Xzibit, Warren G and even some women including Lil’ Kim and… um, Carmen Electra for some reason.

Most folk forget the third game, Def Jam Icon, but that’s because it was a bit shit. So let’s not worry about that.


The Beastie Boys in NBA Jam (twice)

NBA Jam is known for its high-flying, over-the-top basketball action and its love of all things crazy: one minute the basket’s being set on fire, the next the backboard is shattering into a thousand pieces.

That’s not all it’s famous for, though. Ever since the first game in the series launched back in 1993, each entry has included a whole host of secret characters.

These range from developers who worked on the game, to characters from other Midway games like Mortal Kombat, to actual celebrities.

beastie-boys-nba-jam

NBA Jam Tournament Edition was an updated version of the first game which included a bunch of new characters, including a few musicians. As well as both DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince (Will Smith), you could also unlock all three members of the Beastie Boys.

A full 16 years later when EA rebooted NBA Jam for the Wii (it came to 360 and PS3 later), it once again got some hidden players, including entire teams full of Democrats and Republicans: Obama and Clinton vs Bush and Palin, anyone?

Best of all, just to pay tribute to the good old days, the Beastie Boys returned once again for some b-ball hijinks.


Snoop Dogg in True Crime: Streets of LA

In the early 2000s, the huge success of Grand Theft Auto III influenced countless other open-world crime games all trying (and usually failing) to replicate Rockstar’s magic formula.

One of the better efforts was True Crime: Streets of LA, which turned the tables slightly by having you play as a detective instead of a criminal.

It also included a supporting role from one Mr Snoop Dogg – aka Snoop Doggy Dogg, aka Snoopzilla, aka Snoop Lion, aka DJ Snoopadelic, aka Smooth Dogg – who appears in some missions.

snoop-dogg-true-crime-la

What’s more, if you collected 30 dog bones hidden throughout the game’s map (or entered a cheat code) you could unlock the Doggfather as a playable character.

Streets of LA was popular enough to spawn a sequel, True Crime: New York City, which followed in its predecessor’s footsteps by featuring another rapper, Redman.

A third game provisionally known as True Crime: Hong Kong was all but finished before Activision scrapped it, but not before Square Enix picked it up and released it as Sleeping Dogs.


Various rappers in RapJam: Volume One

Fancying a piece of the NBA Jam pie, Motown Records decided to make its own basketball game and released it under its short-lived Motown Games label.

RapJam: Volume One (there was no Volume Two) offered street basketball with a twist: all 18 playable characters are real-life rappers.

rapjam-volume-1

Yes, you too could finally shoot some hoops as Coolio, LL Cool J, Queen Latifah, Warren G, Yo-Yo or any of the members of House of Pain, Naughty by Nature, Onyx or Public Enemy.

The idea was a sound one in theory: with more urban legends than an all-night campfire story session Motown hoped that fans of each artist would buy the game to play as them.

Unfortunately, Motown forgot one tiny detail, and seemingly missed the bit in its checklist that said “don’t make the game a big bucket of wank”.


Avenged Sevenfold in Call of Duty: Black Ops II

The ninth game in the Call of Duty series has a fairly deep and serious story.

It’s set during two different time periods – the late ‘80s and 2025 – and continues both the story of two of Black Ops’ protagonists, and that of one of their sons.

It involves drug cartels, kidnap attempts, cyberwarfare, arms dealing and the eventual outbreak of the second Cold War.

avenged-sevenfold-cod

It’s all pretty heavy stuff, which is why it makes perfect sense for the end credits to show two of the game’s characters performing on stage with metal band Avenged Sevenfold.

Oh, and obviously don’t pay attention to the fact that one of those characters is actually Raul Menendez, the game’s main villain who hacks drones and uses them to attack major American and Chinese cities, and is referred to in the game as “the most dangerous terrorist since Osama bin Laden”.

As long as the lad knows how to play an axe, that apparently doesn’t matter.


Insane Clown Posse in Backyard Wrestling

With THQ in possession of the WWE licence, anyone else who wanted to make a wrestling game would either need to go with fictional characters or think outside the box a little.

Eidos decided to go with the latter option, and came up with Backyard Wrestling: Don’t Try This at Home, a wrestling game based on the growing popularity of kids with camcorders filming their own matches in their gardens.

icp-backyard

To give the game a little name value, Eidos enlisted the help of rap duo the Insane Clown Posse, who at the time were running their own independent comedy wrestling circuit called JCW (Juggalo Championshit Wrestling).

As such, while its 31-strong roster did indeed include a bunch of completely fictional characters, it also let players choose from ICP themselves – Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J – as well as their rapper chums Twiztid and various other JCW wrestlers.

Granted, there were a couple of legit wrestlers chucked in there for fun too: Sabu and Da Bone Doctor (better known as The Godfather) were included to keep wrestling fans happy. It didn’t really matter, though, because the game was a load of old sack.


Various rockers in the Tony Hawk series

Over the years, no fewer than nine music-based guests have appeared as secret unlockable characters in the Tony Hawk series of skateboarding games.

It all kicked off in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4, with the inclusion of an Iron Maiden song in the soundtrack leading to the ability to unlock the band’s mascot Eddie.

The following year, Tony Hawk’s Underground let you unlock KISS’s Gene Simmons, as well as a new stage set around a KISS concert.

james-hetfield-tony-hawk

2005’s Tony Hawk’s American Wasteland included Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day as well as rapper Lil Jon, while 2007’s Tony Hawk’s Proving Ground featured MCA from the Beastie Boys.

An HD remake of the original game launched in 2012 and added Metallica members James Hetfield and Robert Trujillo as DLC characters.

And spare a thought for Lil Wayne and Tyler the Creator, who were the unlockable musicians in the atrocious Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 5, the comeback everyone wanted but ultimately regretted.


Fred Durst (again) in Fight Club

Finally, if beating Fred Durst in a wrestling ring a couple of times wasn’t enough to get it all out of your system, there was another more violent way to kick his head in.

The Fight Club game was released five years after the movie, but that doesn’t mean the developers were doing a GoldenEye and improving its quality by not rushing it to launch alongside the film.

It just means that a few years after the film came out, Vivendi Universal thought: “Folk are still talking about Fight Club, so let’s make a game about that. And let’s make sure the combat is as shallow as a paddling pool Kenny Baker’s pissed in.”

fred-durst-fight-club

If you fought your way through the game’s Arcade mode and completed it as every character, you would unlock Abraham Lincoln as a playable fighter (a reference to a single line in the film).

However, if you take on the fairly rubbish Story mode and beat that, you’ll unlock Fred Durst, meaning you can finally finish the job you started in the WWE games and boot the utter shite out of him.


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Hands-on with Nintendo’s E3 2019 demos

E3’s all well and good but yer man Scullion can’t be doing with all that hassle. The 13-hour flight to LA would be bad enough, but given my global celebrity status I’m sure I also wouldn’t be able to move for autograph requests, people asking for selfies and offers of marriage.

Thankfully, Nintendo recently invited me to its UK headquarters to spend time with some of its E3 demos, away from all the hustle and bustle of the main show.

Not only that, I was also allowed to record footage for some of the games, meaning below you can see the likes of Link’s Awakening and Luigi’s Mansion 3 in perfect quality as recorded by yours truly.

Here’s my impressions of what I played, along with my videos (including commentary on what you’re seeing) where applicable. Continue reading “Hands-on with Nintendo’s E3 2019 demos”

Super Mario Maker 2 (Switch) review for people who don’t want to create anything

Nintendo / Nintendo EPD
Nintendo Switch

super-mario-maker-2Let me just make something clear so you know where I stand before going into this review: I’m very much a left-brained person.

For those unaware of the concept, it’s said that people who are more creative and artistic tend to use the right side of their brain more, whereas those who are more analytical and logical favour the left side.

Most of the time games are perfectly suited to both left and right-brained people: you’re given a task and can reach the goal using whatever logical or creative means you see fit.

Every now and then, however, you get a game that mainly appeals to right-brained, artistic types, where most of the fun is achieved through making your own creations. You know the type, games like LittleBigPlanet, Minecraft and Super Mario Maker.

For left-brained folk like me, these games are not a cavalcade of possibilities: instead, they more often result in staring blankly at an empty canvas with no bright ideas on how to fill it. For us, these games live or die not by their creation tools, but by everything else they offer (usually user-created content).

With that in mind, then, this review of Super Mario Maker 2 is going to do something a little different. You can already find plenty of reviews of the game on other sites, most of which will presumably have dedicated a hefty chunk to the creation tools.

From a completely blind approach – I never read other reviews before writing my own – I see that my long-time pal and former CVG editor Andy Robinson has reviewed the game over at VGC, so based on his track record I’m going to confidently assume that’s where you should go for a ‘proper’ review of the game, creation mode and all.

Instead, I’m going to look at the game from the point of view of someone who has no interest in the creativity element, and just wants an infinite supply of Mario stages to play. If that’s you, welcome aboard. Continue reading “Super Mario Maker 2 (Switch) review for people who don’t want to create anything”

My Arcade Pixel Player review

With retro gaming all the rage these days, there are plenty of companies keen to appeal to the old-school gamers out there with products that appeal to their childhoods.

California-based My Arcade is one such outfit looking to tap into that vein with its Pixel Player gizmo, but it’s gone one step further by securing something others often fail to acquire: an official licence.

Whereas most of these retro handheld thingies tend to chuck a bunch of unofficial, homebrew and bootleg games on there and slap a price on it, My Arcade has teamed up with Data East to include eight of its classic games on the system.

Granted, it does still have said unofficial, homebrew and bootleg games on there too – there are 308 games in total – but at least you know there are some legit offerings.

Just to clarify before we get into more depth, we’re talking NES emulation here. Although most of the Data East games included in the Pixel Player had arcade versions, it’s the ports released on Nintendo’s 8-bit system that you’ll find instead.

That said, let’s break it down a bit more. Continue reading “My Arcade Pixel Player review”

Kartography #5 – Team Sonic Racing

Kartography is my regular series in which I look at licensed kart racers throughout gaming history, and figure out where they fit on my all-time karting game leaderboard.

For more information on my scoring policy for Kartography, check out this introductory article.

Sega / Sumo Digital
PS4, Xbox One, Switch, PC (PS4 version reviewed)

My last Kartography article looked at Sonic R, Sonic’s debut home console racing experience.

Given that today marks the launch of the latest one – Team Sonic Racing – it only makes sense that a Kartography double-bill is in order.

Thanks to Sega, yer man Scullion has been playing the PS4 Pro version of the game for the past week and a half, which is just enough time to deconstruct the entire thing in trademark Kartography style.

In case you aren’t aware, Team Sonic Racing’s main gimmick is team races, where you’re grouped together with two other partners and your Grand Prix points are all added up for a total score.

Where will this new twist place it on my Kartography leaderboard though? Let’s find out. Continue reading “Kartography #5 – Team Sonic Racing”

TOH Game Club 3 – Earthbound

First, there was Zelda II. Then there was StarTropics. Now it’s time to go 16-bit.

The success of the first two Tired Old Hack Game Clubs meant it was only a matter of time before we did it all over again. That time is now, though I suppose that should already be obvious by this point. I mean, you knew what you were clicking.

Um… let’s go.


The idea

In case you missed the first two, the Tired Old Hack Game Club is a new group in which, for a month at a time, like-minded gamers can play through retro games together.

Instead of trying to decipher a potentially troublesome retro game and figure out what makes it tick by wading your way through terrible online FAQs written by 13-year-old amateur comedians, you’ll instead be able to take comfort in the fact that a bunch of other folk are also playing through the same game as you, and you’ll be able to talk to them about it.

Stuck in a particular area? Struggling to get to grips with the game’s mechanics? Found a particularly cool trick and want to share it? Have you drawn your own map to help you get through a dungeon, and you want to proudly offer it to others to help them? This is for you.

Each month yer man Scullion will pick a retro game for everyone to play together. These will almost always be games that are easy to get hold of and affordable: I’m not going to ask you to buy an Atari Jaguar and drop £80 on Alien vs Predator or anything like that. Ideally, nothing in the Game Club will cost more than £10.

Anyone wishing to take part in the Game Club will be able to join the discussion on the Tired Old Hack Discord server. If you haven’t already joined or are new to Discord, it’s essentially just a chat room with various channels: the Tired Old Hack one has channels dedicated to the site itself, Nintendo games, Xbox games, PlayStation games, retro gaming, off-topic and the likes.

As of right this bloody moment, the Tired Old Hack Discord server now has a shiny new channel called #game-club – this is where all your Game Club discussions can take place.

If you’re interested, then, follow this link to sign up to the Tired Old Hack Discord server, and join in the conversation.

Throughout the month I’ll be jumping in to share little tidbits about the game, and post old magazine articles, be that reviews (so you can see what people thought of it at the time) or tips sections (so you can get help like we did back in the day).

The future of Game Club relies on your participation, really. If only a couple of people do it and there’s no real enthusiasm for it, then I’ll scrap it and chalk it up to experience. If, on the other hand, it results in a lovely wee community of like-minded gamers discovering classic games for the first time together, then it’ll continue for as long as possible.

That said, sign up to the Discord if you’re interested and let’s get cracking! This month’s game is:


Earthbound

SNES, 1994
Nintendo / HAL Laboratory, Ape Inc.

By the early ’90s, the vast majority of gamers associated RPGs with fantasy settings.

They were almost always about knights, mages, princesses, dungeons, dragons and all the stuff people still moan about these days any time HBO decides to make TV shows based on them.

Earthbound – written by Shigesato Itoi and programmed by the late Satoru Iwata – messed with this tradition by placing an RPG story in a modern day setting, and replacing the wizards and assassins with 9-year-old children.

Earthbound was only released in Japan (as Mother 2) and North America during the SNES era: European gamers didn’t get it until nearly two decades later, when it launched on the Wii U Virtual Console in 2013.

How to get it

There are a few ways to get Earthbound if you fancy taking part in this month’s Game Club.

• It’s one of the 30 games on the SNES Classic mini console.

• You can get it on the Wii U eShop for £6.99 / $9.99.

• You can get it on the New 3DS eShop for £8.99 / $9.99 (only if you have a New 3DS model).

• Finally, if you’re dodgy, you can obviously also run it on an SNES emulator.

Starting out

Earthbound is a fairly typical example of a mid ’90s RPG, so if you aren’t familiar with that genre it may take you a little while to get used to its start-stop flow.

In fact, if that’s the case you’re going to have a more authentic experience: when Earthbound launched in the US, many gamers of that era were in the same boat because the RPG genre was still struggling to find the massive fanbase it had in Japan.

To make up for this and make sure players were able to get to grips with it, Nintendo actually included a huge 130-page strategy guide with the game, which players could consult any time they needed a hint.

Naturally, I’m the generous type, so here’s that entire guide in PDF form:

Earthbound Strategy Guide

Try not to rely on it too much, mind: that guide was designed for complete newcomers to the RPG genre and so it holds their hand through almost the entire game. By all means read the first few pages to get an idea of what’s going on, but reading any more will essentially be the equivalent of playing with a walkthrough. Instead, get involved with your fellow gamers: that’s what Game Club is for, after all.

What I do recommend, though, is the ‘Earthbound at a Glance’ section at the back of the book: this is a really useful guide that explains what every item in the game does.

You should now have enough to get started on your adventure. When you’re ready, hop into the Discord server to begin chatting about it with your new Game Club pals: how are you finding the game so far? Have you discovered any strategies to help you in the early stages? Are you stuck and not sure where to go next?

See you in the chat!

NOTE: One final request. If you’ve already beaten Earthbound and fancy yourself as a bit of an expert, by all means take part in the discussions but please don’t try to become some sort of oracle of knowledge. The point of Game Club is for people who haven’t beaten the game before to experience it together: having someone give them all the answers all the time ruins the fun a bit. Besides, nobody likes a smart-arse.

Kartography #4 – Sonic R

Kartography is my regular series in which I look at licensed kart racers throughout gaming history, and figure out where they fit on my all-time karting game leaderboard.

For more information on my scoring policy for Kartography, check out this introductory article.

Sega / Traveller’s Tales
Sega Saturn, PC (Saturn version reviewed)

Not all karting games feature karts, you know.

While it’s clear that the majority do, it’s perfectly acceptable for a developer to ditch them in favour of something else.

What makes a game part of the karting genre isn’t the fact you’re using karts: it’s the idea of multiple characters – each with distinct personalities – racing against each other, often with items to collect.

After all, when you choose a bikes-only race in Mario Kart Wii, does it suddenly stop being a karting game? Does it balls.

Sonic R on the Sega Saturn was an early advocate of this idea: not only did it ditch the idea of using karts, many of its characters don’t even have vehicles at all, instead choosing to run across the course.

Does it work? Read on and find out. Continue reading “Kartography #4 – Sonic R”

Wee-views: Yoshi’s Crafted World, Dead Or Alive 6, Sega Heroes, Forza Street, Mechstermination Force and Picross special

It’s time for another helping of wee-views! These are ‘wee reviews’ of games that I haven’t gotten round to completing, but have played enough of to at least form a fairly solid opinion.

As ever, please do bear in mind that this means the games covered below could get better or worse near the end. For more detailed explanation of the thought process behind wee-views, check out the original wee-view page. Continue reading “Wee-views: Yoshi’s Crafted World, Dead Or Alive 6, Sega Heroes, Forza Street, Mechstermination Force and Picross special”

The UK Official Nintendo Magazine (ONM) E3 2006 DVD

I joined the Official Nintendo Magazine as staff writer (and started my career in games journalism) on 2 May 2006, the week before E3.

Five days before that, on 27 April, Nintendo had announced that its new console, the Revolution, was actually going to be called the Wii. And then, on 10 April, Nintendo held its conference where it showed off the final console and its games for the first time.

Now, given that I was only a week in the game, I obviously wasn’t sent to Los Angeles to cover the event: instead, I stayed at ONM Towers in London, writing all the previews for the special E3 issue of the mag: issue 5, my first full one as a staff writer.

Meanwhile, editor Lee Nutter and deputy editor Chandra Nair did indeed travel to LA to cover the event, and Chandra – as he always did when he was editor of Cube magazine – brought his ruddy big video camera with him.

He used that camera to film as much stuff as he could on the E3 show floor, with the purpose of putting it all on a free DVD to be included alongside issue 5.

This turned out to be a genius move. It’s hard to believe now in this ear of 4K, 60fps streaming video, but bear in mind that in 2006 many of the online E3 videos being published on various big sites looked more like this:

Because of this, the fact we at ONM had actual DVD quality footage (albeit slightly compressed to fit onto a single-layer disc) meant our readers had probably the best quality video from E3 2006.

This also means that, to the best of my knowledge, this is the best quality footage you’ll see of cancelled games like Project H.A.M.M.E.R., Wii Sports Airplane (which became part of Wii Sports Resort) and Rayman 4 (which became Rayman Raving Rabbids a mere five months later… which is suspicious).

Now, Future Publishing – who owns the copyright to everything ever created during the ONM days – is fairly strict when it comes to people republishing their content.

That’s why I’m extremely grateful to Future’s legal department for granting me a licence to re-publish this DVD in its entirety on this site.

We all know how the internet works, though, and it’s clear that if I’d just put up the entire DVD untouched someone would have it ripped and plonked on their own YouTube channel by the end of the afternoon.

To get round this, I’ve recorded a commentary for the DVD. I’m sorry this means you won’t be able to watch it without hearing my dulcet tones over it, but it should at least give you some context to the 13-year-old footage you’re watching, along with some anecdotes from the ONM days.

So, pour yourself an Irn Bru, get this loaded up on your TV’s YouTube app (it’s a long video, so you’ll need to get comfy: it’s easier to find it if you subscribe to my channel) and get stuck into the entire 97-minute E3 2006 DVD from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 5.


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Don’t want to commit to a regular payment? I’ve now got a PayPal ‘tips’ jar: if you like my work in general feel free to chuck yer man Scullion a couple of quid and help stock up my Irn Bru fund so I can continue working away like a bastard.

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14 things you should never say to a games journalist

I’d be lying if I said being a games journalist was a miserable experience.

Yes, the money’s usually shit and it can be quite stressful at times (more on that in a bit), but there’s still no denying that being able to cover a hobby you love is a wonderful thing. It’s the reason I’m still doing it after nearly 13 years.

That said, there’s still one thing about the job that can be pretty frustrating: human interaction. Don’t get me wrong, it’s often great to engage with readers and discuss this wonderful medium with like-minded, enthusiastic folk.

But sometimes you end up talking to a wanker instead. Or rather, being ‘talked at’ by one.

The wonder of the internet is that some people fancy themselves as amateur Charlie Brookers, and like nothing more than traipsing around from site to site trying to puncture credibilities with sharp-witted remarks that let us all know that we may fool other people but not them: they’re onto us.

The difference, of course, is that Charlie Brooker is genuinely clever and funny, whereas these young chaps (and they usually are young chaps, let’s face it) are instead boring and unoriginal.

Us games journalists can be a dangerous bunch, as you can tell by my nifty ‘future of law enforcement’ uniform here

Inevitably, this lack of originality results in games journalists being fed the same boring lines on a regular basis by cocky pricks who think they’re bringing us down a peg or two but are, in reality, as edgy as a football.

How can you make sure you’re not one of these tragic scrotums? Well, yer man Scullion is here to help you out. Having endured my fair share of abuse over the past 13 years (after all, don’t forget Tired Old Hack was even named after a particularly insulting email I was once sent), I’ve decided to share some of the more common – and therefore boring and ineffective – shite that’s been slung my way over the years.

Healthy debate is all well and good, but if you want to make sure a games journalist pays the slightest bit of attention to the point you’re trying to make, take my advice: never use any of the below lines or you’ll be shunned pronto. Continue reading “14 things you should never say to a games journalist”