The Tired Old Hack 2018 Survey

Published on by Chris Scullion1 Comment

Tired Old Hack is now nearly three and a half years old, yet I still feel like the site’s in its early stages.

The most important thing about the site is clearly the readers, though: after all, if you aren’t happy then I’m basically talking to myself and that only gets me so far.

In late 2016 I launched a Tired Old Hack survery and over 250 people responded to it: it was massively helpful in guiding the direction of the site. Time to do it again, then.

I’d employed the help of a small little-known research company called Cambridge Analytica, but they recently closed down, forcing me to steal your personal data get your feedback on the site myself.

So, that said, here’s your chance to give your opinion on various aspects of the site and let me know what you think about it.

It’s entirely anonymous (although you can enter your name at the end if you want) and there are a load of GIFs in there to stop you getting bored. Maybe.

HERE BE THE SURVEY, YOU GLORIOUS SWINE

Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze (Switch) review

Published on by Chris Scullion5 Comments
Nintendo / Retro Studios
Switch, Wii U (Switch version reviewed)

We all know the Wii U was a dismal failure.

Despite having a decent helping of excellent exclusive games, the negatives surrounding Nintendo’s sixth home console outweighed the positives, and as a result it would take someone truly delusional to argue that the Wii U was anything other than a giant lemon.

Naturally, when life gives you lemons you make lemonade, and Nintendo has been happily squeezing the Wii U’s software library to allow owners of the far more popular Switch to have a taste. Of the lemonade. This is an analogy, go with it.

The point I’m making in a horribly complicated way is that some of the Wii U’s finest games have already found their way onto the Switch.

The Switch ports of Mario Kart 8, Bayonetta 2 and Pokken Tournament have already outsold their Wii U forebearers, and Nintendo is surely hopeful the likes of Hyrule Warriors and Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker do the same when they’re released in May and July respectively.

Before those turn up, it’s time for Donkey Kong’s Wii U adventure to get a second crack of glory. And in this case, it’s fair to say it deserves it. Continue reading “Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze (Switch) review” →

Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp review – six months later

Published on by Chris Scullion2 Comments

Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp ‘soft-launched’ in Australia on 25 October 2017 and rolled out to other countries the following month.

As someone who couldn’t wait for it to come to the UK and downloaded a sneaky .apk file of the Australian version for my Android phone the day after launch, that means today marks exactly six months since I started playing it.

While most sites review games right after they’ve launched, not many of them track their progress months later. Although it’s obvious why this is the case – new games get more traffic than old ones – it’s sometimes a missed opportunity, especially when it comes to mobile games.

Mobile titles, more than any, are often treated as ‘services’ and are constantly updated, patched, evolved and enhanced with new features, modes, characters and various other whizz-bangs. Play a mobile game at launch and play it again a few months later and you’ll often find two very different beasts.

Sometimes a barebones game becomes one that’s packed with content. And sometimes a well-balanced game is ruined by publisher greed when the user base grows and the opportunities to make money through microtransactions get too great (I’m looking at you, WWE Champions).

With that in mind, I’ve decided to review Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp six months after it launched. It’s changed a fair amount since October 2017, but is that necessarily for the better? My answer is “it depends”, which is no doubt frustrating for you because now it means you have to read on. Continue reading “Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp review – six months later” →

An extremely serious review of Numskull’s latest merchandise

Published on by Chris Scullion1 Comment

Occasionally yer man Scullion is sent free things. It’s one of the perks of having more Twitter followers than British TV and radio personality Paul Ross.

Recently I was sent a bunch of stuff by Numskull Designs, the UK company that specialises in official video game, movie, TV and comic book merchandise.

Now, I’m not the sell-out type: I’m not a big fan of people who tweet “HEY LOOK AT ALL THE FREE SHIT I GOT”. If people send me stuff it’s still going to get an honest review.

Here, then, are my deadly serious reviews of some of Numskull’s latest products, written in the regular hard-hitting journalism style that has earned me a greater following than the one from Milli Vanilli who’s still alive. Continue reading “An extremely serious review of Numskull’s latest merchandise” →

VHS Preservation Project #9: Sega Saturn Magazine promo video

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The Video Game VHS Preservation Project is an attempt to digitise as many video game VHS tapes as possible for the purposes of preservation. Click here for more information.

The ninth tape in my VHS Preservation Project is the first to celebrate the Sega Saturn.

It was given away with issue one of Sega Saturn Magazine, an official British publication that launched four months after the Saturn’s UK release (although technically it was just an evolution of the already existing Sega Magazine).

The tape is a 30-minute beast consisting of a short Saturn advert, followed by nothing but gameplay footage. Of particular note is the very early Virtua Fighter 2 footage, which is only around 35% complete at this point.

Continue reading “VHS Preservation Project #9: Sega Saturn Magazine promo video” →

Steamed Hams, but it’s a Choose Your Own Adventure story

Published on by Chris Scullion1 Comment

I’ve always wanted to try my hand at Twine.

For those not familiar with it, Twine is open-source software designed for writing your own interactive story-based games.

You can write individual pages in basic HTML markdown, illustrate them with images, then upload them online and let other people play them.

Essentially, at its core it’s basic game creation software, as long as the game in question is a multiple-choice branching story.

It’s something I’ve been meaning to try for a while now, but I’ve never had the right inspiration.

Then I realised: why not make a Twine version of one of the greatest stories ever told in history?

I am, of course, referring to Steamed Hams, an epic tale of one man, his boss, his lunch and his mother.

My game/story is hosted on philome.la, a site that offers free hosting of Twine stories.

Click this link to be taken to my story, where you can play it.

Can you get Skinner through dinner and keep Superintendent Chalmers happy? Play and find out!

Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze (Switch) gameplay footage

Published on by Chris Scullion1 Comment

Most of the gamers who bought Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze on Wii U will tell you it’s one of the best platformers of its generation.

Sadly, since there were fewer Wii Us sold than there were good Kid Rock songs, the vast majority of the gaming public have yet to experience its joys.

That changes next month when Tropical Freeze is ported to the far more popular Switch, and all those who decided to give the Wii U a wide berth will finally get their chance to see what Donkey Kong and chums have to offer.

Yer man Scullion’s been playing the Switch version for review: it’s still under embargo, though, so don’t expect one for a few weeks yet.

What I can do, though, is share up to 15 minutes of gameplay footage with you, so get stuck in.

The below video includes three separate clips: one showing Donkey Kong and Cranky Kong in action (as an introduction for those not familiar with the game), one showing off how great the game looks, and finally a clip demonstrating the brand new Funky Mode, where you get to play as the greatest character in video game history.

Check it out, and keep an eye out for the full review in early May.

The WWF Superstars Game Boy Roast Battle

Published on by Chris ScullionLeave a comment

If you aren’t up on all things professional wrestling, this weekend saw WrestleMania 34 take place in New Orleans. It was decent.

That was only the warm-up match, however, to what is undoubtedly the main event: the Tired Old Hack WWF Superstars Game Boy Roast Battle. Continue reading “The WWF Superstars Game Boy Roast Battle” →