The complete history of Mario Kart

The arrival of a new Mario Kart is always a big event in the gaming community.

For nearly 25 years Nintendo’s racing series has been considered one of the best local multiplayer experiences gaming can offer, and new titles regularly sell in the tens of millions.

Today is a little different, because it marks the first Mario Kart release which is an enhanced version of a previous game rather than a brand new entry.

The reason for this is clear: Mario Kart 8 Deluxe gives Switch owners a taste of console-quality Mario Kart in handheld form less than two months into the system’s life, while also giving those who skipped the Wii U a chance to finally play it.

This is only the latest chapter in the saga, of course. This series has been going for even longer than Arsene Wenger’s been at Arsenal, so what better time to look back at the history of Mario Kart?

Well, I mean, the 25th anniversary in August would be a better time. But fuck it, we’re doing it now. Continue reading “The complete history of Mario Kart”

ACA Neo Geo (Switch) review directory

This isn’t the first time a Nintendo system has been graced with the presence of the once-great Neo Geo.

In late 2007 the Wii’s Virtual Console service started getting Neo Geo titles. By the time the Wii died, over 50 of the beauties were available to buy.

While (at the time of writing) the Switch has yet to get a Virtual Console of its own, that doesn’t mean you can’t still get stuck into some retro goodness.

Enter the brilliantly-named Hamster Corporation, a Tokyo-based studio which has acquired the rights to a bunch of Neo Geo games. Continue reading “ACA Neo Geo (Switch) review directory”

The complete history of Bomberman

bomberman-character-art-from-bomberman-online-on-sega-dreamcast-2001In just a few days, the Nintendo Switch will finally be released.

It’s an exciting time for many gamers, because the launch of new hardware is always a thrill.

But it’s also an exciting and nerve-wracking time for a group of gamers who have had a rough time of it in recent years: Bomberman fans.

On the same day the Switch launches, Super Bomberman R will be sitting on the shelves alongside it. It will be the first new physical, boxed Bomberman game to appear in stores in more than eight years.

For people my age (30 and up if you must know, you cheeky prick), Bomberman is one of the classic video games series.

These days when you think of big, popular multiplayer games you think of Call Of Duty, Destiny, Overwatch and FIFA.

In the early ‘90s, it was Bomberman.

Because it’s been nearly a decade since the last retail Bomberman release – and because even then it wasn’t really as popular as it had been – there’s a generation of gamers who aren’t too familiar with the series as a whole.

That’s where yer man Scullion comes in. Continue reading “The complete history of Bomberman”

My 100 best (and worst) ONM headline jokes

ONM issue 5, the first I appeared in
ONM issue 5, the first I appeared in

My six years at the Official Nintendo Magazine were (at the time of writing at least) the best six years of my career.

There were plenty of reasons for this: it was my first major job, it was the job I’d always wanted to do, and there was a massive reader base who regularly communicated with me (many of them still do to this day).

One of the main reasons, though, was that I always had the freedom to tell bad jokes.

I’ve told bad jokes all my life, but usually people at school and uni would groan and walk away. ONM was my chance to tell bad jokes to tens of thousands of people who were less tempted to bail because they’d already paid £3.99 for the privilege. Mwa haaaa.

Recently I was going through my ONM archives and I started chuckling at some of my worst jokes, many of which I’d forgotten over the years. It got me in a nostalgic mood, so I’ve decided to share said nostalgia with you.

I’m going to run a series of articles based on my time at ONM, sharing my favourite ‘funny’ moments. In the future these will include my best screenshot captions and my best review quotes.

Today though, I’m sharing 100 of my headline jokes – be it the headlines themselves or (most often) the snarky one-liners under the game name in previews and reviews. Continue reading “My 100 best (and worst) ONM headline jokes”

Cover Me Badd #5 – The 25 worst Wii game covers

Cover Me Badd is my regular series looking at the worst video game covers in history. Each article will focus on a specific format. If you missed it, catch up on Part 1: NES gamesPart 2: SNES gamesPart 3: Nintendo 64 games and Part 4: GameCube games.

A few months back I shared my choices for the 20 worst GameCube box covers. It was inevitable, then, that the Wii would get its turn.

The problem is, the Wii had far more games released for it than previous Nintendo home consoles, and many of them had truly horrendous box art. Since I really couldn’t decide on a final 20, I’ve instead gone with 25 to ensure I didn’t have to drop any of my choices.

As ever, click on a cover to see it bigger: some of them really do have to be seen in their full-sized glory.

‘Enjoy!’ Continue reading “Cover Me Badd #5 – The 25 worst Wii game covers”

Nintendo Switch wishlist: 13 features I hope it… um, features

Unless you’ve been living under a rock you’ll know that Nintendo’s next console, now officially named the Switch, is a part-console part-handheld hybrid that’s due for release next March.

If you’ve been living under a rock you’ll also be unaware that the “unless you’ve been living under a rock…” intro is massively overused, so as far as you’re concerned I’m some sort of editorial genius. Everyone else thinks I’m a prick.

nintendoswitch_hardware-0-0As the longest-running member of the Official Nintendo Magazine team back in the day, upwards of literally three or four people have asked my opinion on the Switch and what I’d like to see it do.

Here, then, is my list. Rather than specific game titles or franchises (that’s been done to death elsewhere and the usual candidates are obvious), here’s my wishlist of what I’m hoping will be included in the Switch hardware when the cheeky wee bastard launches next year. Continue reading “Nintendo Switch wishlist: 13 features I hope it… um, features”

The 30 best Wii U games

This is the eighth in my ’30 Best’ series of articles in which I discuss my favourite games ever on a system-by-system basis for the first time in my career. In case you missed them, the full list of other ’30 Best’ articles can be found at the bottom of this page.

’30 Best’ will now be a regular series, thanks to my lovely Patreon followers helping me reach a stretch goal. If you want to contribute and help me reach my next goal (to start a Tired Old Hack podcast), please visit my Patreon page.

wii-uThere’s a saying in gaming when it comes to Nintendo. Well, there isn’t really but I’m making it up now and I’ve decided it should be one.

When Nintendo does well, it does really well. Look at the Wii, the DS, the SNES, the Game Boy Advance.

But when it does badly – the GameCube, the Virtual Boy – it does really badly, finishing a distant last place against its competitors.

Such was the fate of the Wii U, a console that arrived on the heels of the wildly successful Wii and somehow went on to undo all the fine work Nintendo’s motion-sensitive phenomenon had managed. Continue reading “The 30 best Wii U games”

Lego Dimensions complete character guide – every Year One character reviewed

LEGO Dimensions Xbox OneThis week marks the beginning of ‘Year Two’ of Lego Dimensions, the fantastic toys-to-life game by long-time Lego game studio Traveller’s Tales.

Because Year Two introduces a whole bunch of new franchises to the mix, a lot of players will be getting into Lego Dimensions for the first time.

With that in mind, I’ve put together this enormous guide to all 46 characters released during the game’s first year: that’s the 44 main ones and the two limited edition characters Green Arrow and Supergirl. Continue reading “Lego Dimensions complete character guide – every Year One character reviewed”

15 games that sound ruder than they actually are

It’s hard work getting your game spotted on shop shelves sometimes, what with all the other titles vying for the public’s attention.

Sometimes you need something to catch their eye: a strong cover image, some positive magazine quotes from reputable publications, something like that.

This one isn't in the list but it was a strong contender
This one isn’t in the list but it was a strong contender

And sometimes you just need a title that makes people stop, do a double-take and say: “hang on, what?”

A few games over the years have had names that caught me off-guard and made me think: “They can’t really mean that, can they?”

Of course, most of the time they don’t mean that at all, and it’s just an unfortunate coincidence that their game’s title also happens to mean something offensive.

With that in mind, here are fifteen of my favourite examples of classic “did they really call it that?” moments. Continue reading “15 games that sound ruder than they actually are”

The 30 best Vita games

This is the seventh in my ’30 Best’ series of articles in which I discuss my favourite games ever on a system-by-system basis for the first time in my career. In case you missed them, the full list of other ’30 Best’ articles can be found at the bottom of this page.

’30 Best’ will now be a monthly series, thanks to my lovely Patreon followers helping me reach a stretch goal. If you want to contribute and help me reach my next goal (to start a Tired Old Hack podcast), please visit my Patreon page.

ps_vita_front_side_sony“I didn’t even know it had 30 games!”

This was the predictable reply I got from all manner of clever individuals every time I informed my Twitter followers that my next ’30 Best’ article would be dedicated to the Sony PlayStation Vita.

It’s little wonder, to be fair. Sony abandoned its handheld quicker than David Cameron abandons his children in pubs, which led to the understandable consensus that the Vita was dead before its library had a chance to grow.

In reality, the Vita does have 30 great games. Indeed, it’s got plenty more than that: I’ve added another 15 at the end of this list for good measure, and even then there were some I had to leave out. Continue reading “The 30 best Vita games”