Hey! Pikmin review

Nintendo / Arzest
Nintendo 3DS

Hey! Pikmin is not the sequel fans of the main series have been waiting for.

It’s not the new Pikmin game that Shigeru Miyamoto said just last month was still in development.

This is not Pikmin 4. But I’m completely fine with that. Because I really like what it actually is.

Its plot is familiar, at least. Captain Olimar, returning home for some much-needed time off work, crashes his new ship the S.S. Dolphin 2 and once again finds himself on a planet inhabited by Pikmin.

The ship’s fuel supply, powered by Sparklium, is completely empty, so it’s up to Olimar to explore the planet, aided by the Pikmin, to find seeds and items that can be harvested for Sparklium. Continue reading “Hey! Pikmin review”

New 2DS XL review

Hello Chris!

Oh, hello there, Completely Fictional Person Created For The Purpose Of Livening Up A Review Of A Minor Hardware Iteration! I haven’t seen you since the days of the PS2 Slim.

What’s that you have there?

This? Oh, glad you asked. This is the New 2DS XL. It’s the latest in Nintendo’s 3DS family. Continue reading “New 2DS XL review”

New 2DS XL unboxing and first hands-on impressions video

Nintendo will be releasing the New 2DS XL on 13 July in Japan and 28 July in the US and Europe.

The latest member of the 3DS family, the New 2DS XL is the budget offering in the ‘New’ range, clocking in at £50 cheaper than the New 3DS XL.

But how does it look, and is it worth the money? Yer man Scullion will be giving a full written review next week, but until then here’s a 12-minute video of me unboxing it and pointing out some of the key good and bad points. Continue reading “New 2DS XL unboxing and first hands-on impressions video”

My 100 best (and worst) ONM headline jokes

ONM issue 5, the first I appeared in
ONM issue 5, the first I appeared in

My six years at the Official Nintendo Magazine were (at the time of writing at least) the best six years of my career.

There were plenty of reasons for this: it was my first major job, it was the job I’d always wanted to do, and there was a massive reader base who regularly communicated with me (many of them still do to this day).

One of the main reasons, though, was that I always had the freedom to tell bad jokes.

I’ve told bad jokes all my life, but usually people at school and uni would groan and walk away. ONM was my chance to tell bad jokes to tens of thousands of people who were less tempted to bail because they’d already paid £3.99 for the privilege. Mwa haaaa.

Recently I was going through my ONM archives and I started chuckling at some of my worst jokes, many of which I’d forgotten over the years. It got me in a nostalgic mood, so I’ve decided to share said nostalgia with you.

I’m going to run a series of articles based on my time at ONM, sharing my favourite ‘funny’ moments. In the future these will include my best screenshot captions and my best review quotes.

Today though, I’m sharing 100 of my headline jokes – be it the headlines themselves or (most often) the snarky one-liners under the game name in previews and reviews. Continue reading “My 100 best (and worst) ONM headline jokes”

Picross 3D: Round 2 review


I love Picross. I’ve loved it ever since a 12-year-old me visited the Edinburgh branch of Toys R Us back in 1995 and discovered Mario’s Picross on the Game Boy.

This relationship has survived 21 brain-teasing years. And, as in the best relationships, just as things look like they’re starting to go stale something manages to breathe new life into proceedings and remind me why I fell in love in the first place. Continue reading “Picross 3D: Round 2 review”

10 years as a games journalist – my most memorable moments

On 2 May 2006, I joined Official Nintendo Magazine as a Staff Writer.

After a quick glance at my calendar, I have determined that today is therefore my 10th anniversary as a video games journalist (or critic, or writer or whatever you want to call it: I still don’t really know myself).

My first ever ONM review: a shit DS racing game. The glory days
My first ever ONM review. They got better, honest

Over the past decade I’ve loved every minute of working for ONM, then Nintendo Gamer, then CVG and finally as a freelancer.

And now I’ve got Tired Old Hack, which gives me more freedom to write what I want than I’ve ever had. In short, it’s been a bloody good 10 years.

With that in mind, although games are usually the main focus when I write, I hope you don’t mind if I make today’s article about my own career.

Here are 20 of my favourite memories as a games journalist over the past decade. These are not all of them, not by a long shot: they’re just the ones that stand out at this very moment. Continue reading “10 years as a games journalist – my most memorable moments”

World exclusive – A look at all the Sonic characters in Mario & Sonic At The Rio 2016 Olympic Games

Mario_Sonic_-_Rio2016Mario & Sonic At The Rio 2016 Olympic Games, the fifth game in the Mario & Sonic series, is released in Europe on 8 April, which coincidentally happens to be my birthday.

The last Mario & Sonic game featured 20 playable characters, ten each from both the Mario and Sonic universes.

Recently Sega dropped a bombshell by revealing that another TWENTY characters would be added to the Rio game, on top of the 20 already there.

Naturally, this has led to some wondering what Sonic characters are left, considering the previous game had fucking Vector the Crocodile in it.

Well, here at Tired Old Hack I can finally bring to you this world exclusive look at every character in Team Sonic, thanks to Sega who gave me unprecedented access because of the whole birthday thing or something.

Enjoy, and remember where you saw this first – for future news bombshells, keep it tired and keep it old. Continue reading “World exclusive – A look at all the Sonic characters in Mario & Sonic At The Rio 2016 Olympic Games”