Allow me to reintroduce myself: Tired Old Hack returns to full speed

Published on December 24, 2019December 24, 2019 by Chris Scullion2 Comments

Friends, it’s been a while.

Earlier this year I found myself spinning a hell of a lot of plates. Not only was I dealing with the usual juggling act of my 9-to-5 job, my freelance work and my Tired Old Hack work, I was also still getting used to the ‘new father’ role: my daughter only turned a year old this past June.

In the second half of this year another fairly large plate was added to the mix in the shape of the SNES Encyclopedia, another 180,000 word epic that soaked up all my free time.

IMG_20191118_164245 — You can blame this one for the lack of regular content. The kid, not Shenmue III. I haven’t even had time to start that one yet

Eventually some of the plates had to stop spinning, for the sake of my own health. The first was my 9-to-5 job: I decided to take a financial hit and drop down to two days a week, so I could watch my daughter for the other three days.

Because the move to part-time meant freelance money was more important than ever, and because I was also contractually obliged to finish the SNES Encyclopedia in time, I had to temporarily stop another plate spinning: Tired Old Hack.

Since I started the SNES Encyclopedia in June, I’ve written just 14 articles on the site. They weren’t all full-fat articles, either: two of them were linking to YouTube videos I’d made, two were podcasts and two were Game Club articles, essentially inviting readers to play a game together.

That leaves eight ‘proper’ written articles in six months: this is nowhere near the level I wanted to hit, but there simply weren’t enough hours in the day, and the reality was that my paid commitments had to take priority.

Finally, however, my situation has changed: the SNES Encyclopedia has been written and sent off to the publisher, Serena’s a little older now and is a little easier to take care of, and I’ve set a routine in place that means when I start on my third book it’ll no longer take over my life like the SNES one did.

What this ultimately means is that I can finally do something I’ve been looking forward to doing for months: I’m picking up that plate, putting it back on the pole and spinning it again, with the aim of not stopping it this time.

Welcome to the return of Tired Old Hack. Continue reading “Allow me to reintroduce myself: Tired Old Hack returns to full speed” →

TOH Game Club 5 – Breath of Fire I & II

Published on December 10, 2019February 6, 2025 by Chris ScullionLeave a comment

We’ve had four Tired Old Hack Game Clubs now. The first two were a success, with oodles of players joining forces to play Zelda II and StarTropics together. Then we tried with Earthbound and Phantasy Star and the numbers dropped drastically.

The formula now seems clear: folk are happy to get involved if they don’t have to spend much money (which is understandable). So, with the Switch now in possession of a growing number of SNES games, let’s go with one of those. Or two of them, as it were. Continue reading “TOH Game Club 5 – Breath of Fire I & II” →

The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening (Switch) review

Published on September 20, 2019September 20, 2019 by Chris Scullion2 Comments

Nintendo / Grezzo
Nintendo Switch

When it comes to the Legend of Zelda series, one game stands out in particular as something of a black horse: a game that defies the normal conventions of the series and introduces a bunch of new ideas.

That game, of course, is Zelda II: The Adventure of Link.

What’s that? You were expecting it to be Link’s Awakening? Nah mate, Zelda II. It’s proper side-scrolling and everything. Give it a go, it’s good.

Anyway, I’m digressing. You’re here to read about the Switch version of Link’s Awakening, so let me cut to the chase: it’s bloody good. Not without its issues, but bloody good nonetheless. Continue reading “The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening (Switch) review” →

Gemhunter #15 – Summer Heat Beach Volleyball

Published on September 7, 2019February 6, 2025 by Chris Scullion1 Comment

Gemhunter hits the 15-episode milestone with a return to the PS2, and this time we’re taking this shit to the beach.

I’m reliably informed that this one is actually called Summer Heat Beach Volleyball, even though the box clearly makes the title look like Beach Volleyball: Summer Heat.

Regardless, this is one of the last games published by Acclaim, which went bankrupt just a year later. Should it be blamed for it, or was it actually a good game? Let’s find out.

Gemhunter is my video series in which I try out forgotten, ignored, licensed or shovelware games I’ve never played in the hope of finding a hidden gem. The video is presented unedited so you can experience the game for the first time as I do. Enjoyed this video and want to see more? You can find past Gemhunter episodes here.

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Alternatively, if you’re a UK reader and can’t afford to support me on Patreon, please do your normal Amazon UK shopping via this link. Tired Old Hack is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.co.uk and affiliated sites.

Hack of All Trades #2 – PC Building Simulator (Xbox One)

Published on August 17, 2019September 7, 2019 by Chris ScullionLeave a comment

Hack of All Trades is my regular video series in which I try out ‘simulator’ games based on actual jobs to see how well I’d fare doing those jobs in real life.

I recorded the first Hack of All Trades a mere fortnight before my daughter was born, so it’s hopefully understandable that episode 2 comes a mere 13 months later. Safe to say the third video will have a much smaller wait.

This time I’m taking a look at PC Building Simulator. Released on the PC earlier this year, it’s just launched on Xbox One, Switch and PS4. I decided to give the Xbox One version a go to see if I’ve got what it takes.

PC Building Simulator is available now on Steam, Xbox One, Switch and PS4.

In order that I could make this video, I received a code for the game from a PR. The content of the video was in no way influenced by this.

If you enjoyed this and other videos and want to help me make them more frequently, please consider donating to my Patreon account.

Don’t want to commit to a regular payment? I’ve now got a PayPal ‘tips’ jar: if you like what you read feel free to chuck yer man Scullion a couple of quid here or there and help stock up my Irn Bru fund so I can continue working away like a bastard.

Alternatively, if you can’t afford to support me on Patreon, please do your normal Amazon UK shopping via this link or Amazon US shopping via this link. Tired Old Hack is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.co.uk and affiliated sites.

Sonic the Hedgehog Pizza Cutter review

Published on August 1, 2019 by Chris Scullion10 Comments

There are some gaming releases that are considered monumental moments in the history of this relatively young medium.

The Magnavox Odyssey: the first ever home video game console, released in 1972.

The NES, which shook the industry to its core and revitalised a flatlining North American gaming scene.

The Sony PlayStation, which disrupted the normal Nintendo vs Sega war and showed that a new challenger could not only be successful, but dominate.

The Nintendo Wii, which opened up gaming to a whole new audience.

And now the Sonic the Hedgehog Pizza Cutter, which cuts pizza, but with Sonic and that. Continue reading “Sonic the Hedgehog Pizza Cutter review” →

Fire Emblem: Three Houses ‘review’ in progress

Published on July 25, 2019 by Chris ScullionLeave a comment

Nintendo / Intelligent Systems, Koei Tecmo
Nintendo Switch

There are two genres of console game that strike fear in the heart of reviewers: RPGs and turn-based strategy.

Both tend to take many tens of hours to beat, and given that this inevitably results in a need to ‘take our work home’ with us and commit a large chunk of time to them, the thought of reviewing one fills many with dread.

Yer man Scullion received review code for Fire Emblem: Three Houses about a week ago. Considering it’s not only the latest game in a much-loved turn-based strategy series but also has new features that make it more like an RPG than ever, it’s a lethal cocktail of free time devastation.

The reality, dear reader, is that this game can’t be beaten in a week. Not if you want to play it properly, and also have an adult life with a family and a job. As such, this isn’t a completed review.

After asking my lovely Twitter followers whether I should keep playing and turn in a review late, or just review what I’ve played so far, they showed their commitment to the cause by turning in a reliable 228/228 vote. So I’ve just decided to do the latter.

To make it categorically clear, then: this is not a full review. I have not completed this game. And from what I’ve been told by some peers, there’s a moment something like 40-50 hours in (that I have yet to reach) where shit goes down and everything properly kicks off, so this isn’t even a review of the meat of it.

What it should be, though, is enough to reassure you that Fire Emblem: Three Houses is bloody good, and well worth getting if you’re even slightly interested in the genre. Continue reading “Fire Emblem: Three Houses ‘review’ in progress” →

TOH Game Club 4 – Phantasy Star

Published on July 18, 2019February 6, 2025 by Chris Scullion2 Comments

The first Tired Old Hack Game Club saw loads of players joining forces to play Zelda II together. The second saw almost as many people taking on StarTropics. Then we tried Earthbound and hardly any prick showed up.

It seems clear, then, that for now we should focus on games that are readily available on the current generation of systems, particularly the Switch. So let’s try again, this time with a game that’s currently on sale at a 33% discount until 25 July.

The idea

In case you missed the first three, the Tired Old Hack Game Club is a new group in which, for a month at a time, like-minded gamers can play through retro games together.

Instead of trying to decipher a potentially troublesome retro game and figure out what makes it tick by wading your way through terrible online FAQs written by 13-year-old amateur comedians, you’ll instead be able to take comfort in the fact that a bunch of other folk are also playing through the same game as you, and you’ll be able to talk to them about it.

Stuck in a particular area? Struggling to get to grips with the game’s mechanics? Found a particularly cool trick and want to share it? Have you drawn your own map to help you get through a dungeon, and you want to proudly offer it to others to help them (not that you’ll need to for this one)? This is for you.

Each time we do the Game Club, yer man Scullion will pick a retro game for everyone to play together. These will almost always be games that are easy to get hold of and affordable: I’m not going to ask you to buy an Atari Jaguar and drop £80 on Alien vs Predator or anything like that. Ideally, nothing in the Game Club will cost more than £10.

Anyone wishing to take part in the Game Club will be able to join the discussion on the Tired Old Hack Discord server. If you haven’t already joined or are new to Discord, it’s essentially just a chat room with various channels: the Tired Old Hack one has channels dedicated to the site itself, Nintendo games, Xbox games, PlayStation games, retro gaming, off-topic and the likes.

As of right this bloody moment, the Tired Old Hack Discord server also has a channel called #game-club – this is where all your Game Club discussions can take place.

If you’re interested, then, follow this link to sign up to the Tired Old Hack Discord server, and join in the conversation.

Throughout the month I’ll be jumping in to share little tidbits about the game, and post old magazine articles, be that reviews (so you can see what people thought of it at the time) or tips sections (so you can get help like we did back in the day).

The future of Game Club relies on your participation, really. If only a couple of people do it and there’s no real enthusiasm for it, then I’ll scrap it and chalk it up to experience. If, on the other hand, it results in a lovely wee community of like-minded gamers discovering classic games for the first time together, then it’ll continue for as long as possible.

That said, sign up to the Discord if you’re interested and let’s get cracking! This month’s game is:

Phantasy Star

Master System, 1987
Sega

Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest may be the two big RPGs people always cite, but that’s probably just because Sega’s main Phantasy Star series ended way back in 1993 (with Phantasy Star Online taking over).

The truth is, Phantasy Star was every bit as glorious as Square and Enix’s efforts, and was well loved for its weird part-fantasy, part-sci-fi setting, the fact it gave you specific characters – rather than just having you naming a generic one – and the fact that the lead protagonist was female (which was rarer back then than novels written by giraffes).

Its music is incredible, its 3D dungeon system looked incredible for the time… and it’s so bloody difficult to play in the 21st century. You see, while many of its features were genre-defining back in 1987, just as many are infuriating these days: we’ve moved on a fair bit in the past 32 years, for the better.

As such, in recent times numerous eager gamers have started Phantasy Star in the hope of seeing what all the fuss was about, and become quickly infuriated by its incredibly grindy combat, its confusing item names and its enormous maze-like dungeons.

Thankfully, these days there are now two ways to play the game. If you want the old-school challenge you can find Phantasy Star on a few modern systems (listed below). A much better way to play, though, is the new Ages Mode version of the game that can be found in Sega Ages Phantasy Star on Switch.

This improves the game in a bunch of different ways, and makes it far more accessible for today’s era. Changes include:

• less frequent random enemy battles
• more XP and money for winning each battle (to make things less grindy)
• a new menu that describes all the items, equipment and spells (which are heavily abbreviated in the game and sometimes impossible to figure out)
• best of all, the dungeons now auto-map for you: a small map on the side of the screen fills itself in as you explore. No more sitting with a pen and paper trying to figure out where you’re going.

Long story short, if you’re new to the game, this is the best way to play it now.

How to get it

There are a few ways to get Phantasy Star if you fancy taking part in this month’s Game Club.

• Obviously, as described above, the best way is to buy the Sega Ages version on the Switch eShop (especially since it’s currently on sale for £4.01).

• You can get it (along with Phantasy Star II and III) in Phantasy Star Collection on the Game Boy Advance.

• It’s also an unlockable game in Sega Mega Drive Ultimate Collection on Xbox 360 and PS3 (not the recent Mega Drive Classics on Switch / Xbox One / PS4).

• Finally, if you’re dodgy, you can obviously also run it on a Master System emulator.

Starting out

Phantasy Star can be a tricky game to get into: even the very first enemies you come across will probably boot your arse until you’ve levelled up a couple of times. Stick with it, though.

Even if you’re playing through the Sega Ages version on Switch you may also want to read through the original manual.

If nothing else, it gives you a little more background to the game’s plot, and has a section dedicated to the various weapons, items and spells you’ll come across.

Here’s that Master System manual as a PDF:

Phantasy Star manual

One thing the manual doesn’t tell you, and you may end up finding out the hard way, is that there are two items you really need to complete the game: without them things will be obscenely difficult, if not impossible.

The first is the Mirror Shield, which you need to beat Medusa. To get it, you have to talk to the village elder in Sopia, who’ll tell you where it is. Then you have to travel to Motavia and find the small island there: that’s where the Mirror Shield is.

The other is the Crystal, which is needed to severely weaken the final boss’s attacks so he doesn’t kill you with one hit. It’s in the final tower, so make sure you find it before you reach the last battle with Lassic. I recommend saving regularly so you don’t miss either of these items.

You should now have enough to get started on your adventure. When you’re ready, hop into the Discord server to begin chatting about it with your new Game Club pals: how are you finding the game so far? Have you discovered any strategies to help you in the early stages? Are you stuck and not sure where to go next?

See you in the chat!

NOTE: One final request. If you’ve already beaten Phantasy Star and fancy yourself as a bit of an expert, by all means take part in the discussions but please don’t try to become some sort of oracle of knowledge. The point of Game Club is for people who haven’t beaten the game before to experience it together: having someone give them all the answers all the time ruins the fun a bit. Besides, nobody likes a smart-arse.

WARNING: As if it wasn’t already clear by the title, this article is a little swearier than usual. If you have Pokémon-loving kids, please don’t let them read this. Send them to Serebii instead, which is the ultimate Pokémon site.

Nintendo / Grezzo Nintendo Switch

Nintendo / Intelligent Systems, Koei Tecmo Nintendo Switch